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2/11/2013

"but as a woman, are you allowed to go out?"

Following the first questions and usual clichés one can have on the Middle East, here comes the heavy layer of gender-related questions. I am not saying I am a pro of what the ME is and what the society rules are, but i have heard a lot of questions that make me smile every single time. I have also heard my load of annoying comments, but I understand as well that such a region raises a lot of questions and much curiosity, particularly from European friends and relatives who have not had any international/multicultural experiences.

So here is a little compilation of the best I had to comment about:
- "as a woman, are you allowed to go out?"
- "can you actually go out alone?"
- "are you allowed to drive?"
- "how do you dress up then?"
- "how do you do when you go to the beach (if you're even allowed to!) or to the pool?!"
- "do you actually have a life on your own, i.e. without your husband?"

I carefully have to restrain a laughter and think about the words I have to use to express the right ideas. Western people tend to be negatively critical regarding gender balance in the region, and it is also true from an internal point of view that there are obvious differences that would raise the hair on a feminist's head. How to be critical without being judgemental is always hard.

"Yes, I do have a life of my own. Yes i can go out, i can wear a bikini on the beach, I can even drive on my own. You know, you probably confuse with Saudi Arabia where indeed women rights are much lower and restrictive. Dubai on the contrary is pretty open and not as conservative as other Emirates, probably because of the high percentage of Western expats and tourists here.

For instance, where I live, in the Marina district, it's no problem to wear shortpants and flip-flops, but yes, i would probably avoid wearing the same when going into more conservative parts of town, or when I have to be around alone in the city. It's not really a question of safety, but more of being considerate and respectful to local customs, I would do the same in any other regions in the world. As a comparison I would probably dress up much more conservatively in Paris, you know, to avoid all stupid sexist comments that I would get anyway, just by being a woman ..."

"But are you feeling safe here as a woman?"

This question somehow brings me back to all these times where i was nervous walking alone as a woman, holding my bag tight, or raising the volume of my MP3 so that I would not hear insults, and thus in France...

"As a Western woman i actually feel safe here, yes. You know, no one really wants to end up in jail here for stupid reasons, i don't even want to think of the livin conditions there...and people are generally deported from the UAE after the time in jail so they cannot make any mistakes..."

"Ah ah ah yes, and you get your wrist cut as well, right?"

There I present a nervous rictus but I do not answer. Engaging in a discussion on human rights and possible religious-based extremism would start a never ending story that i qualify "black vs. white", "evil vs. good", generally going into "islam vs. the rest of the world".

"You know, when I make the choice to move to another country in another region in the world, I do my best to adapt the local culture and local customs. I am not there to criticize the local religion or beliefs, and I am not planning on challenging the society and its order. I am feeling safe, yes, but I would not have in mind to wear very short clothes and thus go against what is considered here as correct. It's called "being respectful"."

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