Ex- housewife?

Since I found a job, many readers told me that the title of my blog is now wrong, outdated: I am not a housewife anymore now that I signed a contract, go to the office every day and cashed my first salary check in.

I've tried then to see if I could find an alternative name or description for myself. Technically speaking I am still a housewife on my visa until I get my official working card with a change of title in my passport. Pfiiuuuu, this gives me a few more weeks to decide.

When I opened this blog I officially stated I was one, but did not want to be. It took me a few months and a lot of unexpected and God-i-wish-all-the-sh*t-had-not-happened kind of changes in my life, to realize what I was, what I was not, and what I wanted. 

But all this also taught me that I could not become a cliché "DXB housewife" anyway, by nature. My brain works in a way that I refuse to be dependent, possibly one of the biggest lessons taught not from life only, but also from my mother. On the other hand I did buy a pair of pink high heels and joined the gym with the hope to turn slimmer like many expats here; but my black flip-flops are generally sufficient to hang out (and the pink shoes are getting dusty).

So what am I finally, here in DXB, if I am not a cliché "DXB housewife"?

• a cliché "expat"? Naeh, I am not sure actually. I don't know the right places to be/to go, I have never been to a Friday party brunch since I moved (more than a year ago), and I still don't know the districts' names and directions.
• a cliché "wife"? Highly possible. And I love being my husband's "one". 
• a cliché "DXB worker"? Not very much. This new job, that I already love much, will allow me to change some mentalities, and being optimistic lately, maybe the world. However it won't help me pay the rent in a one year check to sign in advance.

But maybe this is the magic of starting a new life in such a new place.  Forget your clichés, forget your expectations, forget your misunderstandings: DXB is constantly moving, changing, growing, demolishing, reconstructing. Yet it is absolutely overwhelming and most of the time highly annoying. But compare the City with a living organism:  when it has the strength and favorable environment, it grows. When the resources are limited, growth slows down or stops. When something is wrong, it adapts, it evolves. When something is good, it shines. Ok, it shines a bit too much here, but you got my point, right?

 

 I am not sure what I am exactly considering I am not a real housewife anymore. But one thing is obvious to me at the moment: I can be anything I want to be, and I feel lucky.

 

The Spirit of Ramadan - Part 2

When my husband came back home the other day asking me whether I had finally decided to fast after reading my previous article, I told him that I was not especially looking at food and drink as restrictions, but that I was rather interested in the spiritual aspects of Ramadan.

 

But still, appreciating Ramadan "as a full package" means taking all aspects seriously, including fasting, so I considered my options and my starting points: I cannot manage a day without drinking a lot of water, or I systematically get a headache; I cannot do without a certain amount of caffeine (at least a morning cup of coffee or tea) or I spend the rest of the day yawning; I need to leave my house in the morning with some cereals in my stomach or I get grumpy for the rest of the day.

 

Let's say that I am not making it easy on myself from the beginning and that I seriously look for problems. Let's say also that I am the greatest person to find excuses. So I read and listened, and got suggested to start small and simple: do not eat but keep drinking water and juice. But I also have a voice in mind constantly reminding me that "there's no middle way if you take such decisions: either you do it 100%, or you don't".

 

I tried, and to be honest it did not work that well. Eventually my stomach reminded me I was not prepared for it. However, walking around outside (in the streets or in the public transports) allowed me couple of times to push my limits, mainly because there was just no other choice. I also tried to go for the "less-guilty alternative" (eating a fruit instead of a proper meal) to fill my stomach. But still, this is cheating, and even though there are maybe 10 days left to give it a try, I already appreciate the failure.

 

And then I ended up reading the Pan-Arabian Enquirer, and laughed: I did not expect to get a good lesson from a satirical article.

 

I need here to quote the first lines from this morning's article, "Expat still pretending she’s fasting for Ramadan" :

 

"DUBAI: Despite having given up her efforts to fast less than two hours into the first day of Ramadan, Suzie Bramble is still attempting to convince colleagues that she’s going without food or drink during daylight hours.

“I just feel so spiritual inside, like my body and soul are going through a deep cleansing session,” the 35-year-old British expat explained to co-workers in the Dubai offices of MPK Financial Services while on her way to the bathrooms with her pockets stuffed with biscuits. "

 

Yes, I did say in my previous post that I started "embracing the Spirit of Ramadan"; now I just feel like hiding until Eid. I do not like pointing at people, and I just cannot throw the first stone at others when I feel that stupid. Well done, Mr. Enquirer: I got your lesson, and finally listened to the voice in my mind.

 

But let me defend myself at least one last time: I will probably not fast this year or any in the future; however I'll keep on thinking about Ramadan in general,about the Friday  sermons, about food waste on iftar, about traffic hell on Ramadan hours, about peace and quiet at the gym, and about the Iftar dinner at the Burj-Al-Arab on Friday.

 

The Spirit of Ramadan

 When i was small, Ramadan was synonym of trouble.

Raised in a highly old-fashion neighbourhood in Paris, and even though it was only 20 years ago, I can tell you there were not that many Muslims in the district. At this time, Ramadan had no spiritual meaning to us: it mainly meant that our neighbours upstairs would get a lot of visitors, make smelly food and party all night long, and that us little white kids would not sleep much for a month. No need to say that it would "get worse" during winter when night was longer than day. To summarize, let's say that, by then, there was no real cultural exchange and knowledge sharing, and that the respect and community spirit you would expect on this month were non-existing.

And then the father of the family passed away because of cancer. We never heard the family party again, but instead they got a bird that would sing in the courtyard each morning.

I moved to Dubai a year ago, a  few weeks before Ramadan started. Again, for a newcomer in the region, this month was a tough one. Even though I was working from home, once in a while I was going in and out the house by 45°, without having the right to even drink a drop. Once I even almost fainted in the elevator, due to heat shock. Poor newcomer I was.

And then something happened this year. Like a spiritual, cultural epiphany whose source I cannot really identify. This year, I think I've learned more about traditions, about daily stages, about prayers. Even though I had learned much from Muslim friends and colleagues in the past years, I think that this year especially I opened my heart and my mind like never. The events of the past weeks possibly had an impact on my "spiritual opening". But being curious about local traditions probably made the change.

 

Newspapers in the region cover Ramadan on a daily basis. First they review the moon sighting and lessons from astrologists; then they develop the do's and don'ts that people should respect, especially expats; then a great share covers diet practices (how to loose weight, how not to jump on food on Iftar etc...); the rest covers crazy driving and accidents. Each Friday, you can read in English a statement from the prayer sermon; during Ramadan the sermon expands its message to all days.

 

I do believe that things can make sense if you want to embrace them through another filter. Ramadan is a month of peace, sharing, understanding, forgiveness. Fasting is not about restricting yourself to listen to religious dictatorship; it gives you on the contrary an idea of what others might experience, and what you have "in extra" in your life. In the past days I've considered fasting as well and see what I could gain from it on the spiritual level. I am spending most of the day on water and juice, but don't eat until my body reaches its limits, even though it's still daylight, and especially when walking under 45°.

 

After all, it is just the contrary of my childhood's experience. I just had no idea by then that I would embrace a religion myself and one day compare it to Islam. Growing up sometimes gives you a better understanding of what goes on around you.



World Environment Day 2013

Believe it or not, on this day, I will not be using my cynical tone and disappointed words. On the contrary, this time I anticipated a little and made some research online to see what is going on around me.

Today is World Environment Day 2013, and to my (positive) surprise much is actually going on.

With the motto "Think.Eat.Save", this year's WED invites everyone to reconsider your relation to food, to prevent food waste and food loss and thus reduce your footprint on an everyday basis. I like this approach so much: Not only you are what you eat, but I believe you are also what you waste.

What you cook, what you put on your plate, what you trash, all this has an obvious impact on the environment and on the others. The UN Environment Programme (UNEP) gives basic numbers that can help anyone understand where he/she stands, food-wise:

"If food is wasted, it means that all the resources and inputs used in the production of all the food are also lost. For example, it takes about 1,000 litres of water to produce 1 litre of milk and about 16,000 litres goes into a cow’s food to make a hamburger. The resulting greenhouse gas emissions from the cows themselves, and throughout the food supply chain, all end up in vain when we waste food"

This time I am extremely pleased to see that the topic is well covered in the news and corporate world. I am not sure the coffees and restaurants in JBR will address food production and waste in their daily menus; however newspapers pinpoints important aspects that deserve attention.

Pic: Khaleej Time

The Khaleej Times for instance reminds that "According to the UN Food and Agriculture Organisation (FAO), 1.3 billion tonnes of food is wasted every year. This is equivalent to the amount of food produced in the whole of sub-Saharan Africa."  Local authorities are also fully aware that tones of food are discarded during Ramadan, and that families should engage in the "3 Re" (Re-use, Reduce, Recycle) actively to promote more sustainable lifestyles. The message is here, the message is clear.

Dubai Municipality also engaged in a survey to try and collect information of its residents and estimate their
ecological footprint. I doubt the response rate was high, but the concept, the concern is worth mentioning.

More decided to launch new projects on this specific date:

The National puts forward The Goumbook-Gecostore, the "green connection" to purchase sustainable products online, from cosmetics to LED lamps.

AME Info goes for PTL Solar, "one of the region's leading solar energy solutions provider, brings a unique concept of going green with launching SOLCART, the first ever portable solar energy source powered by independent solar off-grid systems".

So yes, today, when I read all this, I have hope and I look forward to the next move.

Earth Day 2013

Earth Day takes place every year on 22 April, which makes it...

oh well, today.

Well done for planning, dude.

After couple of years embracing sustainability with my heart and body - applying in my private life some principles supposedly sustainable - i have placed Earth Day on the same level as the Earth Hour, the Intertional Women Day and the World Water Day. I might not fully agree with some of these dedicated days (i do not understand for instance why 8 March should be the only day when gender equality, women health, education and so many other topics are addressed), but I do care.

To me, in these days lays the hope that important questions, relevant to the future of our planet and to mankind, are addressed publicly and broadly. On these days, people get informed, documentaries are broadcasted, debates are held. In Denmark, Earth Day was the occasion for schools to organize workshops for the little ones so they learn about the planet, its water, its resources, food, or waste. Drawing trees on recycled paper to address the natural limitations of our world. In Sweden there were demonstrations on climate change, to gather citizens and politicians on the next square and exchange constructive ideas.

Even though these topics hold in their core great amounts of inequalities and injustice, I associate these open discussion days with democracy, hope, common future.

 

Am i demanding, or too optimistic? possibly both, I guess. I just tend to believe hard that one way to support change is education. Call it even "knowledge" if you wish, even "information".

 

You might disagree with my approach; you might have another opinion than your neighbour; you might have your own idea or way on how to improve the world. Fair enough. I still believe however that if you share this idea with your neighbour, he might change his mind, you might reach a compromise, or you might teach one another new ways to progress.

 

Now: Remember an earlier post regarding Car Free Day 2013 in the region? On 13 February, I actually wrote the following:

"I focused on the article over my breakfast tea, nodding with interest, until I realized that this day was actually...today. Well done for planning, dude". 

No joke, I actually use today the exact same words as I used a few months ago. How cynical is this.

 

I realized it was Earth Day 2013 thanks to the lovely Google Doodle of the Day, showing a little land evolving day and night, season after season. By clicking I could make the Doodle rain, I could fix the flower, and I even grew a tree. Just wonderful to start the day with. Without it another day would have passed and I would have looked at the Sheik Zayed Road from my distant 28th floor without any other consideration than the usual one on noise and traffic.

Pics: Google Doodles of the day

 You see my point here: without a doodle I would have missed the day. Without internet and social media (Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn in my case) I would have forgotten and concentrated my time on my little life instead of focusing on the big picture. I poke myself, as much as I regret the lack of visibility here. I haven't found a trace in the national newspapers, which have been developping papers on the earthquake risks, the current weather conditions (rain, just to mention it) and the new Lamborghini Aventador that the UAE police is now using to patrol.

 

Maybe I should have been more proactive and start communicate about it earlier, long enough to actually trigger reactions, and who knows, implement projects. It could have been something good for the community, and my sustainable spirit would not have hurt either.

 

I have so many memories on constructive discussions while in Scandinavia: why don't we organize a drawing competition in the nearest school? why don't we plant trees to offset carbon emissions, and use this event as an educational mean for the community to understand and respect their environment? Why don't we engage in a public debate to identify the most suitable way to address food waste? Why don't we organize a painting workshop to decorate bikes and promote means of transportation?

 

Too many "why", not enough "let's do it", and inexisting "because" to justify my lack of (re)action.

 

By the way, when i posted "it's Earth Day 2013, is there anything going on on your side?", i got no reply at all. Maybe playing with the Doodle was the most constructive aspect of the day after all.

 

 Happy Earth Day 2013.

 

EDIT 23/04: a friend corrected my mistake via Twitter by forwarding me the following news from the Dubai City Guide website:

"Emirates Green Building Council (EmiratesGBC), an independent forum aimed at conserving the environment by strengthening and promoting green building practices in the UAE, marked Earth Day with a screening of the documentary ‘Wild Ocean 3D’ that highlighted the importance of sustainable development"

Let's hope that future Earth Days and other international célébrations related to the protection of our planet will be broadly advertized to increase public awareness as well as individual/political/corporate commitments. 



I made the maid cry

Last week i made the maid cry.

 

For you who do not speak DXB, a maid is a great combo of cleaning lady, baby sitter, grocery shopping, au pair, and whatever else you would need to run your house properly. If you consider that the architecture of a house or an apartment takes into account this very local need by including a "maid room" and "maid bathroom", you can guess how important this person is for the society.

Some households have a full-time maid at home as "almost part of the family" (heard in the CDG airport "yes we go on holidays together, she takes care of the kids while we rest, but it's just not the same"); some on the other hand, like us, ask a maid to come and help clean the apartment once in a while.

It took me some time to understand the concept and have someone  come and clean my dishes, iron my shirt, vacuum my dust. After the past years living in a Scandinavian country, and partly on my own, I have been used to take care of myself and deal with my stuff, and i have troubles accepting that someone fixes the stuff that I have messed up. But after a few times, i have admitted that this is nice to come to a freshly clean apartment without having even moved a finger.

Since i moved in June, i have also met a few girls and boys and even developed a certain preference towards a few. I have been asked each time if i'm married, if i'm a housewife, and if i'm pregnant = the most relevant reasons for a woman to be home on working hours. Yes i am married, yes i work (or at list worked), no i am not pregnant. But yes if you are nice i might consider you to keep the baby when necessary.

Last week i met a new girl. Very sweet, very shy, she apologized couple of times for asking questions and checking if what she was doing was right. Previously working as cleaning lady in hospitals, she wasn't used to help in private apartments. Actually she even did not like it, she said, "because from one place to another you don't really know what to expect and how people will be". She apologized when someone called her on the phone, she thanked me even more when i gave her a Coke to drink.

 Before leaving, she filled the usual receipt from the maid company, for my signature. I always leave a comment on the paper, knowing that it will most probably be reviewed by the manager, and who knows, it might affect her employment there. I signed, I paid, I gave her her well deserved tip and a bunch of English magazines that would end up in the bin otherwise. Then she looked at the receipt, and she started crying in front of me.

I had written "very good service".

She apologized for crying, and hugged me. As it was a first i got fairly surprised and asked what was going on: "you wrote I did a good work, and I am so happy about it. It makes me happy because when I read this, I completely forget that I am tired and that it is not easy". And she hugged me again in a great crying smile. In 2 sentences she just broke my heart. After she left i sat down for a few minutes, pretty brainless.

Since January I've been looking for a job, and my personal situation, both socially and financially, allows me to be demanding in my choices. I find myself fairly simple, but I do not count the dirhams in my pocket to get extra caramel on my latte macchiato. I sometimes wonder how much tip I should leave at the restaurant, and I do not care much of the "ma'm/sir" anymore. But this girl slapped my ethical choices efficiently, reminding them that life here, as a Western housewife, is not real, not the reality that I want.

Last week i made the maid cry.

Fashion in the UAE

Fashion is a concept deeply included in Dubai's everyday life. Fashion is in your local coffee shop, fashion is in your mall, fashion is on your DXB Twitter timeline. I receive daily notifications (or "suggested posts") on Facebook, and i start getting mails for whatever events in my inbox.

"If I go to the gym here? nope, I mean, I did go at the beginning when I moved, but mainly because it was too hot to do anything outdoor sports. But seriously, even at the gym the girls are super fashion, they all look super nice, with the latest fashionable outfit, it's almost unfair. Remember the feeling when you are exhausted, when you are sweaty and stuff, while the girls around just look perfect?! Well that's what I feel here at all time. Yes in a way I am quite disconnected with it, seriously, who needs to put high heels to get a coffee at Starbucks downstairs?!"

This is what I used to answer when I moved some months ago. I still had a few kilos to loose, my house was still crossing the world on a container, and thus I had only a suitcase of clothes from Denmark to make my way through Fashionland.

Since then, I used the gym, I went running, I go to the pool, I even tried biking. I did a 10k race, I consider pushing it again to 21. I want to go back dancing. Oh, and I lost my 2 kilos.

Since then I packed my winter cloth into boxes. I bought skinny jeans, I even have a new pair of flashy pink heels-platforms. I wear dresses, i wear short shortpants = i show my knees to the world. I bought a bikini, I even wear it on the beach. Last but not least, I WEAR COLOURS.

I follow fashion weeks, I read people magazines. Each time I reach the Dubai Mall, i look forward to buying the latest edition of Vogue.

Man, what did this play do to me?! I know I am far from being a fashionista, but...

And to prove that fashion is everywhere: Last week was the  International Defence Exhbition and Conference, IDEX, in Abu Dhabi. There you could see the latest news in terms of weapons, tanks, planes, defence items, etc...And apart from trying the latest shotgun, you could also see...a fashion show:

"ABU DHABI // A 16-tonne armoured army vehicle has been given a bling makeover for Idex – painted gold, chrome and bronze and covered in Swarovski crystals [...] It was created by Gavin Rajah, a couture designer to celebrities such as Beyonce and Cameron Diaz."
(see the full article from The National here)

And if you doubt my words, here is what it looked like. Yep, fashion in the world of weapons. I'm still looking for the logics behind.

"Do you often drive around?"

Some weeks ago I would have mentioned, not without blushing, that if I do not drive in Dubai, it's because i do not have my driving license. This changed a month ago when I finally passed it, 10 years after I enrolled for the first time in a driving institute in Paris.

My first thoughts went to my friends as they would not be able to tease me anymore on the topic, asking me each time we would meet "so, how is the driving going?". As much as i fell proud, I also turned fairly concerned. If you ever travelled around in the Middle East (and probably with a certain equation that the easter you travel, the worse it gets), you'd know how crazy traffic can be on a quantitative but mainly on a qualitative basis. As much as I think I drive well - even better than a lot of people here - my exam was max 10mn long while an assessment in Europe would have been much longer and probably much more demanding and thorough.

Moreover, driving against the rules is not punished as strictly as it is at home, as it should be, on my opinion. Sadly you can read cases of deadly car crashes almost everyday in the news due to combined factors such as speeding, crazy change in lanes, bad distance management between vehicles, poor technical controls. Yesterday a mother and her three kids got killed when her car litterally split while hitting the car coming from the other side, as the driving husband fell asleep. Last week, when i drove officially for the first time on the highway, we got diverted as a truck driver missed control and his vehicle fell in the middle of the lanes (news said his body was smashed from the accident, no one else got killed or injured). Last example but not least, 24 workers got killed 3 weeks ago in their comuting bus as it got covered by the 75 tons of sand the truck before was transporting. Speed, tail gating and poor braking systems were blamed.

So yes, I can drive, I actually enjoy it a lot; but the thruth is, I am also a little concerned to join a system where anticipating what the others can do and how badly they will follow the rules are key aspects for your safety (rather than expecting them to know what they're doing). Now i truly embrace the concept of "defensive driving" I was told about in the institute.

"Ok ok...but are you happy here?"

Since i made this blog public (less than a week ago only) i have received some concerned comments regarding my happiness level in the UAE. Some of my friends also tried to make me reconsider my decision to leave Europe, quit my job and move on. Obviously I did not sound super optimistic so I feel the need to correct, or at least explain myself.

 So, for once, let me ask YOU the question: what does "being happy" actually mean?

"Yes I know I expressed some tough comments regarding my life in Dubai since I moved in June. And yes I am not hiding it, there were difficult times. But you know what? it's getting much better, and I swear I am not trying to convince myself. Seriously, you cannot expect anyone to merge so fast in a new place straight after changing many important things in your life.

Consider it: everyone needs a bit of time to adapt to a new apartment, to a new job. In my case I have not only changed my job, I also moved to another apartment, another city, another country, another continent. I have left much behind to be with my man again, and I have no regret. He's worth the change, and I was looking for it as well. Don't you have sometimes the impression you are stuck somewhere? I don't have the impression anymore that I escaped from something by leaving: I have finally the impression I have moved on".

Nobody said it was easy, Coldplay said. Moving, adapting, changing, growing, all this takes time, and the more you push it, the less it comes. It's tough, sometimes painful. You tend to experience ups and downs more often that others, you also feel them in a deeper way. But isn't it the way to learn who you are? Remember one thing: if I'm not saying that I am happy, it does not mean that I am unhappy. There is a massive difference in concepts here. I feel peaceful, but it happens that I feel stressed once in a while by my new life. Pretty much like everyone else. I do miss my friends of course, but I do not miss the safety and comfort I had chosen in my everyday life before I left. I recognized the signals, I panicked, I carefully considered pros and cons, and I took my decision.

"After much time away from him, I am now with the man I love, and just for this I can seriously be greatful. Yes I miss my friends, but they also know where I am, as much as I know where they are. Being away does not make them strangers, I probably even feel closer to them this way. And look, think about it: I am in the right place to start all over again. I have the right to choose differently, I have the possibility to re-invent myself. Who else can have such an opportunity?"

Nobody said it was easy, Coldplay said. I am learning, designing, modelling myself. I am working with the past to create a new me. Inch'allah it will lead somewhere. Are you happy, then?

Rising sun, Dirty windows

"but as a woman, are you allowed to go out?"

Following the first questions and usual clichés one can have on the Middle East, here comes the heavy layer of gender-related questions. I am not saying I am a pro of what the ME is and what the society rules are, but i have heard a lot of questions that make me smile every single time. I have also heard my load of annoying comments, but I understand as well that such a region raises a lot of questions and much curiosity, particularly from European friends and relatives who have not had any international/multicultural experiences.

So here is a little compilation of the best I had to comment about:
- "as a woman, are you allowed to go out?"
- "can you actually go out alone?"
- "are you allowed to drive?"
- "how do you dress up then?"
- "how do you do when you go to the beach (if you're even allowed to!) or to the pool?!"
- "do you actually have a life on your own, i.e. without your husband?"

I carefully have to restrain a laughter and think about the words I have to use to express the right ideas. Western people tend to be negatively critical regarding gender balance in the region, and it is also true from an internal point of view that there are obvious differences that would raise the hair on a feminist's head. How to be critical without being judgemental is always hard.

"Yes, I do have a life of my own. Yes i can go out, i can wear a bikini on the beach, I can even drive on my own. You know, you probably confuse with Saudi Arabia where indeed women rights are much lower and restrictive. Dubai on the contrary is pretty open and not as conservative as other Emirates, probably because of the high percentage of Western expats and tourists here.

For instance, where I live, in the Marina district, it's no problem to wear shortpants and flip-flops, but yes, i would probably avoid wearing the same when going into more conservative parts of town, or when I have to be around alone in the city. It's not really a question of safety, but more of being considerate and respectful to local customs, I would do the same in any other regions in the world. As a comparison I would probably dress up much more conservatively in Paris, you know, to avoid all stupid sexist comments that I would get anyway, just by being a woman ..."

"But are you feeling safe here as a woman?"

This question somehow brings me back to all these times where i was nervous walking alone as a woman, holding my bag tight, or raising the volume of my MP3 so that I would not hear insults, and thus in France...

"As a Western woman i actually feel safe here, yes. You know, no one really wants to end up in jail here for stupid reasons, i don't even want to think of the livin conditions there...and people are generally deported from the UAE after the time in jail so they cannot make any mistakes..."

"Ah ah ah yes, and you get your wrist cut as well, right?"

There I present a nervous rictus but I do not answer. Engaging in a discussion on human rights and possible religious-based extremism would start a never ending story that i qualify "black vs. white", "evil vs. good", generally going into "islam vs. the rest of the world".

"You know, when I make the choice to move to another country in another region in the world, I do my best to adapt the local culture and local customs. I am not there to criticize the local religion or beliefs, and I am not planning on challenging the society and its order. I am feeling safe, yes, but I would not have in mind to wear very short clothes and thus go against what is considered here as correct. It's called "being respectful"."

"And do you know many people there?"

This question is probably the most passive-aggressive question that i have been asked so far since i moved to the UAE last summer. It does not mean that people got enclined to know how low my social network has been so far, but rather whether i am merging well in a complete new setting where theoretically women do not have a place (seen from outside of course). I know this comes with very warm intentions and positive concerns, but asking the same question again and again often reminds me that my friends are not here.

"Yeaaah i do know some people, of course through my husband, but I really like them and i think we're bonding  quite well. But of course things will move on as soon as I find a job, I mean, I did not really meet anyone while I was telecommuting for 6 months. I know things will change as soon as I actually have a proper office life, it's not like I can really meet people elsewhere."

And do you know any locals?

"Well not really actually, I mean of course you'll mainly find expats in Dubai, and you actually mean them in a regular social context. I've met some at the gym, but you can't really connect while doing aerobics or pilates..."

So what do you do then when you don't work?

This question generally comes straight after the social life one, as people generally get stuck with the Disneyland impression. Yes it's easy to spend money in Dubai, and i cannot count the number of kilometers i've walked through the Dubai Mall, Mall of the Emirates and Ibn Battuta Mall. No i did not go skiing, and i haven't seen a real camel race yet. Yes i've seen pinguins, i've seen the Palm, but dune driving in the desert makes me sick.

It's February, and i start realizing that I am lucky, even spoiled, to be here. I might regret it when the summer heat strikes back, but until then, the sky is blue, the sea is darker blue, and smoking a shisha with a friend as the sun goes down over the Wavebreaker is priceless.

"And it's not too hot there"?

The logical follow-up of the previous conversation is to discuss about the weather.

I've been used to discuss weather items since my stay in Denmark, as weather-talks are probably the most common generalist discussion starter you can have with introverted Danes. At first you really wonder why you discuss about the clouds, rain and snow; this goes however until it becomes a part of you, until you can recognize the different degrees in cold wind and "chill factor" in winter, until you can control your bike in slushy snow. Then you just rock the weather-talk.

I move on then in the "how is Dubai" conversation:

"Oh well, you know I actually moved to Dubai in the middle of the summer in June, and it was very hard, like 45°, even 48° one day, i can tell you this was super tough for me to manage! Seriously man, for few months the temperatures here were twice higher than in Europe, crazy! I also like rain, wind, clouds, and here it's been always blue sky! Moreover, I just moved before the Ramadan, so no right to eat and drink in public, by this temperature i got sick couple of times, i almost collapsed once outside!" (a bit exagerated of course but that's what people want)

"Once in a while i even got so excited to see clouds that I would even take pictures to prove it!":

"But you know, as soon as it's winter, it's actually getting fresh, stormy and even rainy! (here it's time to face your friends laughing at you using the word" cold") You even need to wear a jacket at night, especially because we're close to the sea, and it's super common to get the flu around! It can easily snow on the mountains in the desert, and here, when it rains, their evacuation systems are so not used that it's common to have floods in the streets! I'm even not talking about how people drive, they have no idea how to behave when it rains, so they often get stuck in the water, not even mentionning all the accidents around!"

Another time I take my phone out of my pocket to illustrate my point with another picture:

My husband justifies the fact that I am cold these days by a satisfactory answer: I am obviously getting used to the weather here. It sounds good indeed, especially considering that i have lost my heat-related swollen figure. But to be honest, I am already dreading the coming summer. Not that i plan to remain at this level, but being a housewife when you cannot be outside is hell. Being housewife itself (when you do not feel to be one) is no real fun actually.

"So, do you like it?"

This is probably the question i was asked the most by my friends and relatives regarding my new life in the UAE, directly next after "So, how is Dubai?!".

Within the past months I think i have developped a fairly standardized answer that  i can adapt and place randomly in any conversation at home without too many troubles. I have said this answer so many times that I sometimes had the impression i was trying to convince myself, after all if you repeat the same things again and again you tend to believe in them as well:

"You know, Dubai is a very nice but special place, i think it's kind of a good mix between the Arabian Nights, Disneyland and Vegas (approving nods of the audience, it's easy to undersand as such). I mean, technically speaking the place is not 100 years old, and the city is just out of the desert, there should be nothing there normally.

Yes, i leave on a tower. It's like, what, 5 minutes max to the sea, and we have i think 5 or 6 pools for a block of towers, which is very nice. No gym, but you can go running in the Marina. Do you want to see a picture?"

and there i hand out one of my Instagram shots of the bedroom's view, which generally generates impressed comments:

"I live on the 28 th floor (same impressed nod), it's quite impressive of course, and it's always worth considering emergency measures. I mean, technically speaking i am not really sure the towers follow right safety standards, they are built so fast here. For example there's been a fire in a tower nearby (JLT end of 2012) and the fire went up so fast. I also have a massive crack on our living-room wall, no seriously, if we decide to stay longer i'm thinking we should move somewhere else! One day it will all look like Inception, remember when the buildings are collapsing in the sea, in his dreams?"
(here i laugh nervously, thinking of the false fire alarms that kept us awake in the middle of the night last week).

JBR nowadays



My idea of JBR in 100 years