"Parents are Overrated" from Dad & Buried

Following last night's Forgotten post, i came across Dad and Buried, the blog of a dad who well describes his life as...dad. His latest post made me hug my laptop, his WTF Factor and threshold concept nod,

Quick preview reminding  me how dads rock at parenting, too:

The Forgotten - Guilt

Over the past years, i've signed up to be part of a lot of specialized sites, forums, blogs, etc...related to mummyhood. Yeah you'd surely tell me i could better use my time in more constructive things; but well, when you're new at something, getting a bit of help, whether theoretical or not, is not wrong either.

I am a working mum. That means, i went back to the office after 3 months off, back full time a month later. I could have decided not to; my company could have decided not to, also. For those who do not know, the legal maternity leave is no longer than 45 calendar days, 100 in case of medical emergency. No need to calculate much: it's short, very short.
However i was happy to go back to the office full time and leave my son in the hands of professional carers at the nursery.

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The Forgotten - Guilt
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Well, guilt actually is not a forgotten concept in the forums and readings i mentioned earlier. it is actually sadly redundant and part of the new vocabulary that a mum needs to digest, and hopefully feel awful about:
you should feel guilty to leave your kid in school, especially the entire day.
You should punish yourself for having a moment of weakness and regret the freedom you had before (especially when freedom = the 2mn shower you need to have between 2 feeds).
You should cry for opening a food jars for dinner and skipping home-made baby cooking. 
I am even not talking about all the classes you cannot attend which obviously will ruin your child's education and development.
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I won't address here the contradictions between the authorities' desires to empower female workforce and the regulations which pretty much oblige you to stay home if you cannot afford daycare or a nanny. It is obviously a fundamental problem which is far beyond one's control.

Life here is also planned around mothers at home who have the time to develop hobbies and attend classes of workshops which are interesting...oh wait how would i know? i am in the office and they all take place on weekdays during working hours...
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Here i want to poke the worst treatment you can get as a new mum, and i am even not sure how to call it: Mummy-bashing? Mummy bitch talk?Inconsiderate judging?
to summarise: all people asking you how you can look at yourself in the mirror to go back to work while obviously not caring about your pooping bundle of joy.

Many articles describe over stressed mothers who are guilty to even think of going back to work. or leaving kiddo with strangers. or even worse, feeling exhausted being a mother and not enjoying every single little minute of pregnancy or motherhood because you know, after all, all this will disappear within minutes and your kid will move out tomorrow. If you do not die alone anyway because your now 4 months old will hate you the rest of your life for focusing one minute on the latest Kardashian episode instead of caring about Baby Einstein at all time.

You have decided not to breastfeed despite the WHO recommendations to have your boobs sore for at least 6 months "to give your child the best start in life"? how dare you, you evil person.
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my answer to this: screw this. Screw the pressure that society puts on what being a great parent should mean. it's like peer pressure, and sometimes close to harassment. And the worst is that it comes 1/naturally and 2/form your fellow sisters who should know best what it feels like to spend a morning throwing up, to suffer from whatever complications, to have a living body expelled from your own, to lack sleep, to feel like hiding under the blanket, to fantasise over a proper meal or a glass of whine while in the meantime hoping to be respected for keeping the little one alive, healthy and happy.

But seriously, shit shit shit since when has it become wrong to be selfish and make yourself the one alive, healthy and happy? because with all due respect, forget this and you're screwed!
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I decided to ban guilt from my life, it is counter productive and i have no energy to waste on "what if". My full time work keeps me up and running mentally and allows me to be creative and meet awesome people.
No lie here there's a fair share of heavy thinking, planning and running around, surely too much. There's also a lot of self-made pressure so that i can allow my man to not feel guilty for having to work late or travel, as yes, he does not have the choice, and guilt does not discriminate gender. Some -women- however are obviously hit worst (BS) and men do not bother (super-BS).

How is my son doing? he's awesome and going to nursery since 4th month has made  him super social, joyful, curious and open to new things. Fair enough he's been sick and our paediatrician has become a part of our life. But yeah, no regret whatsoever.

The Forgotten Part Two - Fathers' Recognition

When hubby sat down with me to read the previous article before i published  it, he first feared some proper hubby bashing old style. Then he thought i slightly over-reacted, and that dads are recognized for what they are doing. Then he told me about his time at the beach in the morning, and i smiled.

The day after, one article from a "mummy blog" i usual read decided it would be awesome to list activities that are good for dads, to give some slack to busy mums who obviously are always taking the lead:

"Right, all you Dubai dads – this one’s for you. With summer fast approaching and many of you being separated from your brood for a few weeks, we think it’s time for some kiddo/father bonding. Plus all the mamas are getting pretty tired right about now – all those school runs, play dates and extra curricular activities – not to mention all of the other stuff we juggle is starting to take its toll. So how about giving mama a break and having some fun with the minis? We’ve rounded up the best dad-friendly activities in Dubai to get you started."

 And of course, these activities included things such as going to the skateboard park, getting a wind tunnel or golf experience, or going camping.
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The Forgotten Part Two - Fathers' Recognition
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I am no hardcore feminist - but what would be the right word to define the contrary, i.e. defending what our guys are doing best? (masculinist?!)

I feel like a modern mum, and indeed i have to juggle between work, home, nursery, and other stuff that make a day busy and full of experience. But from what i read, or what i hear or see, dads cannot be seen further than the work they do, and the things they don't do at home.

Hubby found my reaction funny. I found it sad in two ways:
- why wouldn't i be interested in doing boys stuff with my son? (whether i actually do them or not)
- why would i be the only one dealing with the everyday things? (while all chores are well shared at home)

The above intro made me grind my teeth: one more time it feels that no one believe that dads also juggle a lot, if not harder, to manage everything. They do get less flexibility to manage "mum things", and therefore get over-visibile for their achievements.
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Clap your hand, a dad is actually bonding with his kid and doing something. Wow. See a mum doing the same...well...that's her job isn't it?
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I know, i am asking the wrong questions and i am wasting my time. But the story is still the same: when i go pick up my son at nursery, i get a lot of information about the day, food and activities. My husband does the same, he does not get more information than "he's fine, he had a good day".

I just wished he'd get not especially more credits, but better ones, the ones he deserves for pushing his own priorities aside, his stress, all the pressure he puts on his shoulders to juggle with everything.

Dads juggle, if not more than mums. And they rock at it the same way as we do.

The Forgotten - Part One

When you stroll through libraries and bookstores with the high-level quest of educating yourself about the baby to come and the best way not to screw up as a parent, you cannot see anything else than smily covers, happy babies, happy parents and confident titles. You instantly forget that these books are just trying to sell you magic and you suddenly believe that yes, you can do it too if this weird couple from a copyright-free picture bank can do it.

We decided however to make it soft and went for the "Pregnancy for Dummies", and it was the exact type of reading we were looking for. Simple, pragmatic and honest. I also bought funny ones directed to dad, i.e. those weird guidelines that turns the man as a commando papa ready to change exploding diapers while killing it at preparing a bottle.
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A few weeks ago a friend of mine, a guy, told me he would become a dad by the summer. Later on we started talking about the frustrations of being a man witnessing a pregnancy. Yes, i chose the word "witness" carefully. No need to discuss bees and storks here, of course the woman caries the baby and experiences all changes physically and mentally. Meantime, the man witnesses. He helps. He supports. He does feet massage. He goes grocery shopping.  He tidies up. He does what strangely enough is expected to be done by a woman "normally". Well Well.

Then i started thinking about my books again and the place men have in there. Yes indeed, they don't have any, or if they do it's in a humorous way mainly. Back to the super-hero dad and the box of Sudocream ready to be taken out like a hot gun.
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The Forgotten - Part One: Fathers.
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Fathers. The guys who created half of the life you are trying to maintain alive. The ones who see you going through the worst pain ever without being able to do anything. The ones who hold your hand and try to remain calm while blindly trusting the ones cutting a wife open and extract a baby out of a belly.

See how abstract i am, because this is the way this is often depicted. Fathers, whether future or actual ones, are putting so much pressure on their shoulders, and apart from fellow dads, the only recognition they get is a joke here and there on what they can do to help. When i remember  myself laughing at jokes about the role of men during the antenatal classes, i want to punch myself in the face. Old me, there's so much you couldn't have done up to today,  including getting up "mobilising" straight after the operation and starting my journey as a mum, if he had not been there for you.

To be continued in a next post: The Forgotten Part Two - Fathers' Recognition. 

The Forgotten - Background

When i became a mum, i decided not to to change the editorial line of my other blog and nor to close it down for good. it seems it has been turning on its own and will probably still do for a while, which is pleasantly surprising.

i have had obviously so much to think about over 9 months creating a life, and around 20 months of trying not to mess it up. But this does not justify writing yet another Motherhood flavoured blog which would smell of baby smell and diapers, look like rainbows and coffee stains, and sound like baby gargles and middle-of-the-night endless tears. Nope i thought i would go beyond it.

There are also thousands of blogs and sites and magazines and websites and books on the topic, and i did not want to add another one to the sea of pinkish bullshit. You got my point: i stocked a proper amount of thinking in my working mum brain, and it appears that it time now to unload before it starts melting.

I've done a fair share of reading of these blogs and other social media accounts, and i realised i could not find myself in any. Right, i love The Unmumsy Mum and Mother Pukka who probably better represent my ideal life balance, but still, something was missing.

So this is it, the background of The Forgotten. Expressing what i think has been missing, or what i've been disagreeing with. Pardon the blah and be indulgent: i haven't had a real night of sleep (i.e. more than 5 hours in a row in my own bed) in 2 years. And feel free of course to comment: there's no point bragging alone in here.

A long way behind, a long way to go

 I haven't written anything on this page for ever. Like, EVER. Not that i never felt the need for it, and my brain has written a lot of posts over the past years, silently, in my bed, under the shower or while driving. But never have i found the time to actually sit down, get my laptop ready and spell out what my brain has to say.

I want this to change.


Over the past months i've met brilliant people, inspiring smiles and stories. I have had my fair share of frustrations, but also had many opportunities to learn more about myself. I've become a Mother, i've become a carer. I've become a lot more aware of my priorities in life and explored the essence of my values, my feelings and background.

Will i be able to tell you more about that? i sincerely hope so. I want to be more active, i want to speak up further.


Until then i read through this blog again, all articles, one by one. What started as a funny description of a new life journey turned into a space to express myself honestly, sincerely. Reading some articles hurt me as much as it hurt writing them. This is perfect, as this is the way they were intended.


But maybe the first thing to do, then, is to rename this space. I haven't been a housewife in forever, and do not intend to be. Let's see what my brain whispers and i'll follow.

Campagnes virales et première pierre

Depuis plusieurs semaines maintenant, la tendance est à se vider des seaux d'eau sur la tête pour soulever connaissance et fonds pour la recherche contre la Sclérose latérale amyotrophique (SLA), encore appelée maladie de Charcot en France.


Le #ALSIceBucketChallenge fait le tour du monde, passe du monde corporate et VIP à celui du commun des mortels, avec un principe simple: on vous challenge de vous vider un seau d'eau glacée dans les prochaines 24h - si le défi n'est pas accompli, vous vous devez de donner USD 100 à l'association, puis de nominer trois autres personnes pour prendre la suite. Depuis le début de la chaine, maintenant virale sur internet, plus d'une vingtaine de millions de dollars ont été collectés.


Alors non, vous ne verrez pas ici de vidéo où je me vide de l'eau sur la tête, que ce soit de façon volontaire ou bien si un jour on me challenge. De la même façon que je ne participe pas à toutes ces chaînes internet qui vous demandent, par exemple, d'écrire sur Facebook la couleur de votre soutien-gorge "pour sensibiliser le public au cancer du sein".


Exemple de chaine étrange, reçue ce matin d'ailleurs. L'un de mes contacts écrit "just won £900 on a scratch card" (je viens juste de gagner 900£ grâce à une carte à gratter"). Je "like" ce statut, ravie de sa bonne fortune; puis je reçois ça:


Now you have to pick one from these below and post it to your status. This is THE 2014 BREAST & PROSTATE CANCER AWARENESS game. Don't be a spoil sport, pick your poison from one of these and change your status, 1) Damn my balls are sweaty 2) Just used my boobs to get out of a speeding ticket 3) Anyone have a tampon, I'm out? 4) How do you get rid of foot fungus? 5) Why is nobody around when I'm horny? 6) No toilet paper, goodbye socks. 7) Someone has offered me a job as a condom tester, but I'm hesitant. 8)I think I'm in love with someone, what should I do? 9) I've decided to stop wearing underwear. 10) It's confirmed, I'm going to be a Mummy / Daddy! 11) just won £900 on a scratch card 12) I love my big bouncy boobies. 13) i swing my balls back and forth. 14) that wasn't a fart, new pants please.


Pour résumer, je me ridiculise sur Facebook pour sensibiliser mes contacts pour la lutte contre le cancer du sein et de la prostate. SUPER. ET SURTOUT TELLEMENT UTILE. Et à refuser de jouer le jeu, je suis celle qui passe pour insensible, car je me contrefous de ces chaînes et je ne m'en cache pas.


Alors venons-en aux explications de base:


- Le temps que vous passez à préparer votre seau d'eau glacée, à préparer votre meilleur profil, votre appareil photo ou caméra, et à rassembler vos témoins parce que l'eau glacée, et oui ça mouille et c'est froid (LOL), je viens de le passer à lire une page d'information sur la SLA = je me suis informée.


- D'ailleurs, sur la même lignée, et pour ne pas oublier qu'au delà de ce défi, il y a tellement de maladies que l'on connaît peu ou mal, et pour lesquelles aucune campagne n'est aussi virale: je viens de lire la page sur la sclérose en plaques, une liste de maladies orphelines (136 pages de maladies rares qui n'ont généralement pas de nom, mais un numéro), en passant par le Syndrome d'Asperger, ou bien l'autisme. La liste est longue, mais une fois de plus, le temps que vous passez à poster votre vidéo Vine sur Facebook et compter le nombre de "like" récoltés, je m'instruis sur des choses loin d'être aussi amusantes que votre photoshoot.


- un statut Facebook particulièrement aléatoire n'aura strictement aucun effet ni sur la cause en question, ni sur la recherche. "Noir", "Dans 3 mois je pars vivre en Australie" ou "Comment je peux me débarrasser de champignons aux pieds?" n'aidera en rien la recherche contre le cancer du sein.


- Ce que j'aimerais voir systématiquement, c'est le chèque que chacun de ces arrosés, en particulier ceux et celles qui font de la cause un événement social, virtuel, visuel et particulièrement fun, aura écrit en faveur de l'association. D'ailleurs, de n'importe quelle association. Et à n'importe quelle période de l'année. Sans internet. Ni vidéo. Ni seau d'eau.


- 100$, c'est beaucoup d'argent. Par ici, et pour beaucoup, c'est un salaire mensuel qui va nourrir une dizaine de personnes et qui s'obtient dans des conditions de travail difficiles. Alors au lieu de donner parce que l'on vous a nominé, donnez parce que vous le voulez, et visez une cause qui vous tient à cœur, à laquelle vous pouvez vous identifier. Et surtout donnez ce que vous voulez/ce que vous pouvez: des sous, du temps, des vêtements, même juste de l'attention.


- Etre généreux, être sensible, c'est aussi et surtout faire preuve d'empathie au quotidien. Se verser un seau d'eau sur la tête, nominer des gens en riant tout en se foutant de ce qui se passe en bas de chez soi, et lancer la première pierre, je trouve ça répugnant.


- Je vis dans une région du monde où l'eau est une commodité rare, alors que pourtant elle coule à flot, et ce gratuitement, de mon robinet. Je vis dans une région du monde où les ressources naturelles sont gâchées sans scrupules, et où je peux, si je le veux, aller barboter dans l'une des 6 piscines de ma résidence (alors que j'ai la mer à 5mn à pied).  Et pour produire cette eau potable sans la moindre trace de calcaire, j'ai une usine de dessalement gigantesque qui en plus de pomper de l'eau de mer et vider les nappes phréatiques du coin va consommer une énorme quantité d'électricité, issue directement du pétrole et du gaz naturel.


En commentaires d'une vidéo, en réponse à quelqu'un qui demandait plus de respect envers l'eau qui manque et pour laquelle on tue dans tellement d'endroits dans le monde, j'ai lu un "oui mais c'est pour la bonne cause, et puis un seau d'eau c'est rien comparé à ceux qui gâchent tout et n'importe quoi".


Ma réponse à tout ça:

"Be the change you want to see in the world" - "vous devez être le changement  que vous voulez voir dans ce monde", Gandhi

Alors pour récapépète:
- informez-vous;
- n'attendez pas un challenge à la con pour vous sensibiliser à ce qui se passe autour de vous;
- personne ne vous oblige à donner quoi que ce soit - pensez juste à votre voisin, à vos proches, à votre communauté, pour faire le bien autour de vous. Et si vous le faites, que ce soit avec le cœur sur la main, sincèrement;
- pas besoin de se filmer, de s'auto-congratuler pour faire le bien autour de soi. Le geste a souvent plus de valeur que la parole;
- protégez les ressources naturelles - un glaçon coincé dans le dos aura autant d'effet, et cela ne devrait pas gâcher votre coktail.


A bon entendeur, je vais sortir ma CB et faire immédiatement un don à une association, sans attendre la bénédiction d'internet.


Edit 1: plusieurs jours après avoir rédigé cet article, l'association a atteint plus de 90 millions de dollars de dons, alors qu'à la même époque l'année dernière le montant ne dépassait pas les 2-3 millions.
Edit 2: Des communautés en Inde ont lancé le "Rice Bucket Challenge" pour collected du riz - à Gaza ils ont osé le "Dust Bucket Challenge" pour rappeler que la guerre est là pendant que le reste du monde s'amuse.
Edit 3: Dans un hôtel de luxe 5 étoiles en bas de chez moi, ils vont faire une soirée "Ice Bucket Challenge" ce weekend. Etrangement, quand j'ai demandé s'ils pouvaient donner des infos sur l'association et comment ils comptent donner, je n'ai pas eu de réponse...

Sleepy Buildings, The Gathering

 

Happy New Year to all of you,

May 2014 be brighter than 2013 in all respects.

Smart Cities and Sustainable Development

In view of the Abu Dhabi Sustainability Week 2014, Masdar has asked bloggers to write about their vision of smart cities and sustainable development. Other contributions can be found on the Masdar Engage page. If you like my words, you will be able to support my application on the website.

“How can cities contribute to the advancement of sustainable development and address issues including water, energy and waste?”

I grew up, studied and worked in big cities from the Western world, where accessing clean water and energy is taken for granted. Mobility and education have never been a problem, and in most cases I only need to walk 5 minutes around my block to reach the first doctor or pharmacy, should I get scared of a little season cold. From birth I have been given chances that actually belong to a few only: education, health, water, energy, employment, transportation.

But I’ve travelled, I learned, I looked around and I listened. I have contemplated these chances and wondered how to use them for the greater good, and change the “I am lucky” into “WE are happy”. I have committed my studies and work into raising awareness, building knowledge, creating technical communications, and doing my best to share what I did not have to earn.

I am not going to preach about climate change here, as the facts are here; but with a majority of the world population living in cities, I believe that redefining the concept of urban development has become a must. 

There is no unique scheme to implement, no “best solution” to apply. Key words to express the goal are numerous: sustainable cities – smart cities – green cities. These concepts express the need to approach urban planning in a systemic way, in which everyone works hand-in-hand to create a new governance approach. Bring around the same table designers, politicians, architects, citizens, representatives of the industry, NGOs, Academia…and let them build our green future together.

Now, beyond terminology, there should be action, intelligent action, to implement change that matters, while respecting cultures, ethnicities and traditional urban structures. This is only possible if one engages in a continuous dialogue and learning process.

Technological connectivity (“e-services” included) and mobility for example are key factors that will only be effective if energy security can be guaranteed at all time. Access to basic social services and education will support community building, only if these communities have the regulatory and financial framework to allow equal access to these services to both girls and boys, women and men, poor and rich. Waste management can become “smart” not only if you help people apply the “R’s” (Reduce, Recycle, Re-use, Rethink, Repair…) but also and mainly if the infrastructure and facilities support waste collection, sorting and transformation. Connecting the environmental, social and economic “bubbles” of sustainability while keeping Brundtland’s definition in mind is a hard work which demands the attention and cooperation from everyone.

Cities connect people, institutions and minds. Of course we can all disagree, but we need to learn from each other and we need to act now. Cities concentrate knowledge and power, and can direct the relationship between urban and rural, reciprocal link that remains vital to guarantee safety and food security. Cities are the witnesses of our history, the carrier of our identities. They are the base to build from, and the obvious future we will experience. They are in a way the best “playground” to innovate, create, react. 

Cher Président

Cher Président,

j'ai pris un peu de temps avant de me décider de t'écrire. Je me suis même demandée si je devais t'écrire en français ou en anglais, sachant que je suis à plus de 6000km de la Capitale. Mais bon, il m'arrive parfois de profiter de toutes les occasions possibles pour pratiquer mon français qui parfois, j'ai l'impression, se détériore à force de ne penser ou ne parler qu'anglais.

Je te tutoie, j'espère que tu ne m'en veux pas? Je me suis dit qu'après tout, comme bon représentant des français et françaises sur le sol français et dans le monde, je dois bien pouvoir m'identifier à toi comme "citoyen normal", aussi Président sois-tu. La normalité, n'était-ce pas l'un de tes mots clé lors de ta campagne? Donc je te tutoie. Un jour peut-être je te vouvoierai. Ou peut-être pas.

Cher Président, si je t'écris cette longue lettre, c'est parce que je me sens mal dans ma peau. Ne te méprend pas, je ne compte pas faire de cette lettre une psychanalyse de ma vie au quotidien ni même un état des lieux de ma santé. Je souhaite juste partager avec toi quelques points qui me dérangent. Parlons franchement, puisque "toi, Président", tu es sensé être l'écoute de tes concitoyens.

Cela va bientôt faire 10 ans que j'ai quitté le territoire français. Je me considère encore comme "jeune diplômée", puisqu'avec mes 5 années d'expérience professionnelle (dont 6 mois de stage non rémunéré à l'étranger et quelques mois de pause involontaire dans mes contrats de travail), on regarder toujours mon Master comme le plus grand de mes accomplissements, alors que depuis j'ai travaillé dans des agences internationales renommées.

Sur ces 5 années, je n'ai jamais payé d'impôts en France. Je te rassure, je n'ai jamais fraudé: j'ai juste habité à 100% hors du territoire français, j'ai travaillé pour des organisations internationales, et j'ai habité dans des régions du monde où si je ne paye pas d'impôts, je risque de perdre mon emploi du jour au lendemain. Je n'ai jamais non plus cotisé pour ma retraite, si ce n'est en mettant de l'ordre dans mes finances privées et en garantissant un train de vie stable et modeste, tout en sachant profiter de la vie.

Mais voilà, Président, de mes 6000 km de distance je continue malgré tout de regarder ce qui se passe "à la maison", et non seulement je suis attristée, mais je me sens aussi parfois insultée. Et ce parce que je continue de m'inclure dans plusieurs cadres que l'opinion générale semble titiller de façon agressive.
Depuis des mois, je lis sans cesse des articles qui demandent pourquoi les jeunes diplômés préfèrent partir de France et s'installer à l'étranger. Tu devrais le savoir, la réponse est pourtant simple: on préfère partir de France et s'installer à l'étranger, 1/ parce qu'il y a du travail, 2/ parce qu'il y a de l'argent ailleurs, 3/ parce que mon diplôme y est reconnu, 4/ parce que j'ai des opportunités de développement professionnel, et 5/ parce que c'est mon choix personnel. Je me permets de développer un peu:

1/ On parle suffisamment du chômage des jeunes, tu dois bien le savoir. Je suis diplômée de Grande Ecole française, diplômée d'une université prestigieuse suédoise. Mais un diplôme chaud dans les poches, en période de crise économique, cela n'aide pas. J'ai peut-être surestimé mes chances (copieusement aidée par des institutions universitaires particulièrement pédantes), mais j'ai pris mon mal en patience. J'ai appris une nouvelle langue, j'ai exercé des petits boulots, j'ai travaillé 6 mois sans être payée.

2/ ...Et tous ces petits sacrifices m'ont appris la (fameuse) valeur-travail, tout en me disant qu'il ne faut pas non plus en abuser trop longtemps.

3/ Je sais bien que faire un Master spécialisé en environnement et développement durable, pour beaucoup, cela veut dire faire des accolades aux arbres, s'enchainer aux rails pour bloquer des convois de déchets nucléaires, ou bien partir se faire des dreadlocks en mangeant vegan. Ne m'en veux pas, mais les clichés parfois en France ont la vie longue, alors j'ai préféré avancer dans des endroits où l'on reconnaît ce que j'ai fait et où l'on donne une chance à mes projets et mes envies.

4/ ...Et autant dire qu'en Scandinavie, et (à la grande surprise de beaucoup), au Moyen-Orient, l'environnement n'est pas le premier budget que l'on va écorcher lorsque cela va mal. Ce n'est pas non plus un sujet de discorde politique  au Parlement, et penser "vert" ne veut pas dire "penser Ecologistes". Si je pense vert, c'est que je pense à l'avenir de mon pays et de ma famille. Pas que je cherche à garantir ma réélection dans les 4-5 ans à venir.

5/ Je suis partie à l'étranger parce que cela faisait partie de mon cursus universitaire, une année Erasmus obligatoire. J'ai découvert un monde académique différent, j'ai fait la fête (un peu trop), et j'ai rencontré du monde (beaucoup). J'ai tellement échangé avec des gens de cultures différentes que j'ai rencontré celui que j'allais un jour épouser. Il n'est pas français, mais il se considère autant que moi comme international plutôt qu'issu d'un pays spécifique. Si je ne suis pas en France, ce n'est pas contre mon pays, mais pour développer un futur tout aussi international pour nous deux et notre future progéniture, qui si tout se passe bien, grandira en parlant au minimum 3 à 4 langues à la maison, et connaîtra autant la Tour Eiffel que la Forêt Noire. Et j'aime cette idée, tout bêtement.

Alors pourquoi m'impose-t-on l'idée que je trahis mon pays, parce que je décide de construire une vie qui me semble plus appropriée tout d'abord pour mes projets individuels, mais aussi pour mes futurs projets de famille?

Il y a 20 ans, lorsque j'ai du choisir ma LV1 puis ma LV2 (le grec ancien en option ne m'ayant pas trop ouvert de portes pour le moment), j'ai pensé à l'avenir. J'ai pensé à l'Europe qui grandissait, alors que l'Euro n'existait pas encore. Le gouvernement poussait les jeunes à partir à l'étranger, et une expérience internationale était le must pour un CV glorieux et un accès aux postes à responsabilités. La francophonie était majestueuse, être "Français à l'étranger" semblait la clé à beaucoup de problèmes.

A l'époque, partir était une fierté - maintenant cela sonne comme une trahison.J'espère que tu comprends où je veux en venir, cher Président.

 Je ne vois pas pourquoi il faudrait se justifier de partir lorsque l'on cherche une vie meilleure, ailleurs. La Nouvelle Frontière, l'Eldorado, tout ça ne se trouve plus en France. Cela ne fait pas de moi ou des autres, pour autant, une mauvaise personne, ou une "anti-France". Mon choix de vie a des avantages, il a aussi des inconvénients que j'assume. Mais je ne comprends pas pourquoi j'en arrive me sentir visée par ces commentaires qui disent qu'il faut participer à "l'effort national" pour remonter la pente et sortir de la crise. Je crois qu'en augmentant les impôts par-ci par-là tu impliques déjà tellement de monde à cet effort-là, et beaucoup n'ont pas besoin d'être passés par mes étapes pour avoir envie de filer par la petite ou la grande porte. Je n'ai pas besoin de te rappeler non plus qu'eux même se sentent trahis, que les sentiments sont réciproques.

Que l'on ne vienne pas non plus me parler de politique par ici. Certes, je n'ai pas voté pour toi. Mais j'ai reconnu suffisamment de fois qu'avec le contexte économique et social actuel, l'autre côté n'aurait peut-être pas pu mieux faire non plus. Agir est une bonne chose; agir dans la bonne direction en est une autre.

Cher Président, si tu veux que tes expatriés, ceux qui véhiculent la francophonie et l'excellence de tes universités, ceux qui ont des idées et qui ne vivent que par l'innovation et la stimulation intellectuelle et économique, rentrent, donne leur les bonnes raisons. Toi, Président, tu en as sûrement plus les moyens que nous.

Cordialement, etc etc.

Ex- housewife?

Since I found a job, many readers told me that the title of my blog is now wrong, outdated: I am not a housewife anymore now that I signed a contract, go to the office every day and cashed my first salary check in.

I've tried then to see if I could find an alternative name or description for myself. Technically speaking I am still a housewife on my visa until I get my official working card with a change of title in my passport. Pfiiuuuu, this gives me a few more weeks to decide.

When I opened this blog I officially stated I was one, but did not want to be. It took me a few months and a lot of unexpected and God-i-wish-all-the-sh*t-had-not-happened kind of changes in my life, to realize what I was, what I was not, and what I wanted. 

But all this also taught me that I could not become a cliché "DXB housewife" anyway, by nature. My brain works in a way that I refuse to be dependent, possibly one of the biggest lessons taught not from life only, but also from my mother. On the other hand I did buy a pair of pink high heels and joined the gym with the hope to turn slimmer like many expats here; but my black flip-flops are generally sufficient to hang out (and the pink shoes are getting dusty).

So what am I finally, here in DXB, if I am not a cliché "DXB housewife"?

• a cliché "expat"? Naeh, I am not sure actually. I don't know the right places to be/to go, I have never been to a Friday party brunch since I moved (more than a year ago), and I still don't know the districts' names and directions.
• a cliché "wife"? Highly possible. And I love being my husband's "one". 
• a cliché "DXB worker"? Not very much. This new job, that I already love much, will allow me to change some mentalities, and being optimistic lately, maybe the world. However it won't help me pay the rent in a one year check to sign in advance.

But maybe this is the magic of starting a new life in such a new place.  Forget your clichés, forget your expectations, forget your misunderstandings: DXB is constantly moving, changing, growing, demolishing, reconstructing. Yet it is absolutely overwhelming and most of the time highly annoying. But compare the City with a living organism:  when it has the strength and favorable environment, it grows. When the resources are limited, growth slows down or stops. When something is wrong, it adapts, it evolves. When something is good, it shines. Ok, it shines a bit too much here, but you got my point, right?

 

 I am not sure what I am exactly considering I am not a real housewife anymore. But one thing is obvious to me at the moment: I can be anything I want to be, and I feel lucky.

 

The Spirit of Ramadan - Part 2

When my husband came back home the other day asking me whether I had finally decided to fast after reading my previous article, I told him that I was not especially looking at food and drink as restrictions, but that I was rather interested in the spiritual aspects of Ramadan.

 

But still, appreciating Ramadan "as a full package" means taking all aspects seriously, including fasting, so I considered my options and my starting points: I cannot manage a day without drinking a lot of water, or I systematically get a headache; I cannot do without a certain amount of caffeine (at least a morning cup of coffee or tea) or I spend the rest of the day yawning; I need to leave my house in the morning with some cereals in my stomach or I get grumpy for the rest of the day.

 

Let's say that I am not making it easy on myself from the beginning and that I seriously look for problems. Let's say also that I am the greatest person to find excuses. So I read and listened, and got suggested to start small and simple: do not eat but keep drinking water and juice. But I also have a voice in mind constantly reminding me that "there's no middle way if you take such decisions: either you do it 100%, or you don't".

 

I tried, and to be honest it did not work that well. Eventually my stomach reminded me I was not prepared for it. However, walking around outside (in the streets or in the public transports) allowed me couple of times to push my limits, mainly because there was just no other choice. I also tried to go for the "less-guilty alternative" (eating a fruit instead of a proper meal) to fill my stomach. But still, this is cheating, and even though there are maybe 10 days left to give it a try, I already appreciate the failure.

 

And then I ended up reading the Pan-Arabian Enquirer, and laughed: I did not expect to get a good lesson from a satirical article.

 

I need here to quote the first lines from this morning's article, "Expat still pretending she’s fasting for Ramadan" :

 

"DUBAI: Despite having given up her efforts to fast less than two hours into the first day of Ramadan, Suzie Bramble is still attempting to convince colleagues that she’s going without food or drink during daylight hours.

“I just feel so spiritual inside, like my body and soul are going through a deep cleansing session,” the 35-year-old British expat explained to co-workers in the Dubai offices of MPK Financial Services while on her way to the bathrooms with her pockets stuffed with biscuits. "

 

Yes, I did say in my previous post that I started "embracing the Spirit of Ramadan"; now I just feel like hiding until Eid. I do not like pointing at people, and I just cannot throw the first stone at others when I feel that stupid. Well done, Mr. Enquirer: I got your lesson, and finally listened to the voice in my mind.

 

But let me defend myself at least one last time: I will probably not fast this year or any in the future; however I'll keep on thinking about Ramadan in general,about the Friday  sermons, about food waste on iftar, about traffic hell on Ramadan hours, about peace and quiet at the gym, and about the Iftar dinner at the Burj-Al-Arab on Friday.

 

The Spirit of Ramadan

 When i was small, Ramadan was synonym of trouble.

Raised in a highly old-fashion neighbourhood in Paris, and even though it was only 20 years ago, I can tell you there were not that many Muslims in the district. At this time, Ramadan had no spiritual meaning to us: it mainly meant that our neighbours upstairs would get a lot of visitors, make smelly food and party all night long, and that us little white kids would not sleep much for a month. No need to say that it would "get worse" during winter when night was longer than day. To summarize, let's say that, by then, there was no real cultural exchange and knowledge sharing, and that the respect and community spirit you would expect on this month were non-existing.

And then the father of the family passed away because of cancer. We never heard the family party again, but instead they got a bird that would sing in the courtyard each morning.

I moved to Dubai a year ago, a  few weeks before Ramadan started. Again, for a newcomer in the region, this month was a tough one. Even though I was working from home, once in a while I was going in and out the house by 45°, without having the right to even drink a drop. Once I even almost fainted in the elevator, due to heat shock. Poor newcomer I was.

And then something happened this year. Like a spiritual, cultural epiphany whose source I cannot really identify. This year, I think I've learned more about traditions, about daily stages, about prayers. Even though I had learned much from Muslim friends and colleagues in the past years, I think that this year especially I opened my heart and my mind like never. The events of the past weeks possibly had an impact on my "spiritual opening". But being curious about local traditions probably made the change.

 

Newspapers in the region cover Ramadan on a daily basis. First they review the moon sighting and lessons from astrologists; then they develop the do's and don'ts that people should respect, especially expats; then a great share covers diet practices (how to loose weight, how not to jump on food on Iftar etc...); the rest covers crazy driving and accidents. Each Friday, you can read in English a statement from the prayer sermon; during Ramadan the sermon expands its message to all days.

 

I do believe that things can make sense if you want to embrace them through another filter. Ramadan is a month of peace, sharing, understanding, forgiveness. Fasting is not about restricting yourself to listen to religious dictatorship; it gives you on the contrary an idea of what others might experience, and what you have "in extra" in your life. In the past days I've considered fasting as well and see what I could gain from it on the spiritual level. I am spending most of the day on water and juice, but don't eat until my body reaches its limits, even though it's still daylight, and especially when walking under 45°.

 

After all, it is just the contrary of my childhood's experience. I just had no idea by then that I would embrace a religion myself and one day compare it to Islam. Growing up sometimes gives you a better understanding of what goes on around you.



Grey

I consider myself a “grey” person.

You’re wondering why I picked this colour, although I generally wear blue, or white, or pink on a daily basis?

One can argue (or agree) that grey is the right compromise between my fairly pale skin tone mixed with the potential of darkness my mind can develop (not even talking about my teenage favourite style of music, the make-up and the insomniac lines around my eyes). My blue eyes sometimes turn grey, depending on the light and the emotions.

I consider myself a “grey” person because I was raised and trained to develop critical analysis and reach consensus. To me, nothing is black or white: even though I can get fairly enthusiastic about one side or the other of a story, I need to consider black and white before deciding. That also means that I sometimes decide NOT to decide, which is often perceived as a weakness. I on the other hand call it “understanding the big picture”.

I was proposed a few times to engage in politics. But as the happiest devil’s advocate, I just smiled as an answer. I was asked many times about my opinion on societal matters. I bail and refer my interlocutor to different articles. I am the best alibi you could pick to hide yourself against anything: not that I am a liar, but I will consider the options and behave accordingly.

I live in a place now where cultural exchanges thrive, as much as subsequent misunderstandings, clichés, fears. I’ve been through a lot of phases in the past months, where I empowered these misunderstandings, clichés and fears, but not against the other but rather against myself.  After a year in the region however, I’ve washed all of the above to embrace the blue of the sky, the yellowish orange of the sand, and the grey of my mind.

And for those wondering whether I feel grey because I’ve enjoyed “50 Shades…”, nope I haven’t read it and don’t ever plan to do so. Unless I decide to apply my grey matter for science. Who knows.

What's up, dude?

When i opened this blog, I thought I would mainly use it to share with you, relatives, friends and unknown people around, my everyday life here in the Emirates as an involuntary housewife. I had a format in mind, I had story to tell, I had pictures to take, I had impressions to share. For those who had not expected my silence, let's say that life had hit me sufficiently hard in the past months to give my brain some rest, and that I did not expect my own silence, either.

And the ideas are still there, do not worry. I want to talk about my driving licence, about my crazy neighbours and their monster kid, about the maid, about my nail polish and the urban plans of Dubai Municipality (what about another amusement park or another mall?^^). I want to share my feelings on Ramadan, which will start next week and that I plan to appreciate from a different (but rather more peaceful) perspective. So yes, I've removed the layer of dust from my lonely keyboard, I've thought a little, and I am back on track.

But to make it easier to follow the succession of ideas, it's important to quickly come back to what happened in the past months. I hope you're fine with bullet points, I had thought of preparing a ppt presentation but I thought I would be a little too much (just kidding of course). Here you go, let's go backwards a little to the main events:

• January: I officially turned into a real housewife, I officially passed y UAE driving licence.
• February: I started looking for jobs and went to my first interviews; but to be honest I seriously enjoy my book-and-starbucks afternoons.
• March: I spent snowy days in Paris watching my sister die. I am stuck with images of the hospital and the funerals, but thank god I had beloved ones by my side. Nothing in the world can replace a husband or a best friend.
• April: Recovery time back in the UAE, looking at the Marina Mall while eating pizza on my balcony. No better way to calm my insomnias than reading even more, night after night, and sending even more applications. I changed my approach and decided not to give a F anymore (= let's not apply to apply, but let's aim at what I really want)
• May: I lost my father-in-law and my grand-father within few days, both great men that I respected and loved truly. I can't remember how many trains I took, but I surfed enough between my homes to know the train schedule. I attended 3 funerals in a week, and rested some time in the quiet and fresh air. More reading.
• June: I nailed my recovery, mixed feelings between denial, peace and fear. I applied even more, and met fantastic people. I have cried a lot, I have smiled a lot. And I got a job.
• July: my monthly horoscope is awesome.

So yes, I am officially NOT a housewife anymore, and my visa will even change. But plans have NOT changed, I will keep on telling you local stories.

Just remember: life is a learning process, and you have a big role in making it the way you want it to be. Making no sense? Well, follow July's Virgo and maybe you'll get it.

World Environment Day 2013

Believe it or not, on this day, I will not be using my cynical tone and disappointed words. On the contrary, this time I anticipated a little and made some research online to see what is going on around me.

Today is World Environment Day 2013, and to my (positive) surprise much is actually going on.

With the motto "Think.Eat.Save", this year's WED invites everyone to reconsider your relation to food, to prevent food waste and food loss and thus reduce your footprint on an everyday basis. I like this approach so much: Not only you are what you eat, but I believe you are also what you waste.

What you cook, what you put on your plate, what you trash, all this has an obvious impact on the environment and on the others. The UN Environment Programme (UNEP) gives basic numbers that can help anyone understand where he/she stands, food-wise:

"If food is wasted, it means that all the resources and inputs used in the production of all the food are also lost. For example, it takes about 1,000 litres of water to produce 1 litre of milk and about 16,000 litres goes into a cow’s food to make a hamburger. The resulting greenhouse gas emissions from the cows themselves, and throughout the food supply chain, all end up in vain when we waste food"

This time I am extremely pleased to see that the topic is well covered in the news and corporate world. I am not sure the coffees and restaurants in JBR will address food production and waste in their daily menus; however newspapers pinpoints important aspects that deserve attention.

Pic: Khaleej Time

The Khaleej Times for instance reminds that "According to the UN Food and Agriculture Organisation (FAO), 1.3 billion tonnes of food is wasted every year. This is equivalent to the amount of food produced in the whole of sub-Saharan Africa."  Local authorities are also fully aware that tones of food are discarded during Ramadan, and that families should engage in the "3 Re" (Re-use, Reduce, Recycle) actively to promote more sustainable lifestyles. The message is here, the message is clear.

Dubai Municipality also engaged in a survey to try and collect information of its residents and estimate their
ecological footprint. I doubt the response rate was high, but the concept, the concern is worth mentioning.

More decided to launch new projects on this specific date:

The National puts forward The Goumbook-Gecostore, the "green connection" to purchase sustainable products online, from cosmetics to LED lamps.

AME Info goes for PTL Solar, "one of the region's leading solar energy solutions provider, brings a unique concept of going green with launching SOLCART, the first ever portable solar energy source powered by independent solar off-grid systems".

So yes, today, when I read all this, I have hope and I look forward to the next move.

"And that was enough to make me feel infinite"

Like my father wisely said, life hasn't been easy or fair to me this spring. Fair enough, indeed I had my share and i don't mind taking some time for myself. So far my manucure holds, but i still feel this strange impression to be lost while looking by the window from my 28th floor.

But I probably got used to the rythm of Dubai, after my one-year anniversary here. Because the first thing I wanted to look at, at 3am, was the construction sites down my residence and see how they have progressed after 3 weeks away from the country. I know things generally move fast around, and i was not deceived: the tram station is now built, and another floor of the tower's foundation is ready. There is a new spa, a new tailor, a new kindergarten, and the community gym should be ready soon.

There is just an obvious impression of being disconnected, each time I come back here. It is not especially a bad feeling: it is a strange mix between ecstasy and vertigo. The point is, you just need to understand it and make sure you're in the right mindset, to surf on these two feelings without falling into one particularly.

Fortunately, I have things to look forward to, preventing me from staring at the towers for no reasons, with no purpose. I am willing to end my housewife status soon, more than anything. Don't take me wrong, sleeping late, hanging out at The Walk, and caring about nothing, all this is quite pleasant. But it's not me, it's not what I had in mind when moving here. But until I sign something, I will keep on looking by my window and wait for the city to change.

Because I was standing in the tunnel. And I was really there.

Happy Birthday, Keavy

There are strange moments in life where you meet people and connect instantly, with full heart and no doubt. Your instinct gives you no warning signals, your guts tell you you just want to be "best friend forever" with this person, and you open yourself immediately. 

That's the way i felt when i met Keavy some years ago. We were both volunteering to help organize an international conference in Lille on gender, science and technology, and we shared the same dorm. While the other girls were hard to catch, Keav was immediately ready for fun and story sharing, and so i fell in love with her.

The conference was a week long, and took place in July 2008. Since then we've managed to keep in touch via Facebook (what a great invention for such stories) which would inform one another on her life in the US, on mine in Europe. Pictures, birthday wishes, after all, even though there were no real discussions, it was enough by then to know the other person was there.

Like every year, Facebook tells me today is her birthday. So I go onto her wall, write birthday wishes, and send her my "warmest hugs from Dubai". Having some time I also decide to check her latest pictures, then read the messages people left. Until I understand the clear truth.

Keavy has died. And I had no idea.

I searched a little, to learn she died in a plane accident (she was a pilot).  I got of course very sad and nostalgic, but then smiled immensely: Keav loved flying, she experienced her passion and shared it with her beloved ones until the end.

What angered me the most, however, is to realize the accident did not happen recently. She died in July 2011, almost 2 years ago. And I had no idea.

Since then, someone had been posting on her wall, on her behalf. New pictures, some links. What i thought was just updates on her life ended up being  a page for people to remember, to write, to mourn. And that just hurt me more in a way than knowing she had gone.

In view of my current loss, and of the information I have posted myself on Facebook to share sad news with people I do not know, I feel angry at myself too. Soon I will close my sister's page, to prevent such terrible misunderstanding from happening again. Remembering a lost one should go beyond a page on a website.

Keavy would be 27 today. Happy birthday, girl.

Earth Day 2013

Earth Day takes place every year on 22 April, which makes it...

oh well, today.

Well done for planning, dude.

After couple of years embracing sustainability with my heart and body - applying in my private life some principles supposedly sustainable - i have placed Earth Day on the same level as the Earth Hour, the Intertional Women Day and the World Water Day. I might not fully agree with some of these dedicated days (i do not understand for instance why 8 March should be the only day when gender equality, women health, education and so many other topics are addressed), but I do care.

To me, in these days lays the hope that important questions, relevant to the future of our planet and to mankind, are addressed publicly and broadly. On these days, people get informed, documentaries are broadcasted, debates are held. In Denmark, Earth Day was the occasion for schools to organize workshops for the little ones so they learn about the planet, its water, its resources, food, or waste. Drawing trees on recycled paper to address the natural limitations of our world. In Sweden there were demonstrations on climate change, to gather citizens and politicians on the next square and exchange constructive ideas.

Even though these topics hold in their core great amounts of inequalities and injustice, I associate these open discussion days with democracy, hope, common future.

 

Am i demanding, or too optimistic? possibly both, I guess. I just tend to believe hard that one way to support change is education. Call it even "knowledge" if you wish, even "information".

 

You might disagree with my approach; you might have another opinion than your neighbour; you might have your own idea or way on how to improve the world. Fair enough. I still believe however that if you share this idea with your neighbour, he might change his mind, you might reach a compromise, or you might teach one another new ways to progress.

 

Now: Remember an earlier post regarding Car Free Day 2013 in the region? On 13 February, I actually wrote the following:

"I focused on the article over my breakfast tea, nodding with interest, until I realized that this day was actually...today. Well done for planning, dude". 

No joke, I actually use today the exact same words as I used a few months ago. How cynical is this.

 

I realized it was Earth Day 2013 thanks to the lovely Google Doodle of the Day, showing a little land evolving day and night, season after season. By clicking I could make the Doodle rain, I could fix the flower, and I even grew a tree. Just wonderful to start the day with. Without it another day would have passed and I would have looked at the Sheik Zayed Road from my distant 28th floor without any other consideration than the usual one on noise and traffic.

Pics: Google Doodles of the day

 You see my point here: without a doodle I would have missed the day. Without internet and social media (Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn in my case) I would have forgotten and concentrated my time on my little life instead of focusing on the big picture. I poke myself, as much as I regret the lack of visibility here. I haven't found a trace in the national newspapers, which have been developping papers on the earthquake risks, the current weather conditions (rain, just to mention it) and the new Lamborghini Aventador that the UAE police is now using to patrol.

 

Maybe I should have been more proactive and start communicate about it earlier, long enough to actually trigger reactions, and who knows, implement projects. It could have been something good for the community, and my sustainable spirit would not have hurt either.

 

I have so many memories on constructive discussions while in Scandinavia: why don't we organize a drawing competition in the nearest school? why don't we plant trees to offset carbon emissions, and use this event as an educational mean for the community to understand and respect their environment? Why don't we engage in a public debate to identify the most suitable way to address food waste? Why don't we organize a painting workshop to decorate bikes and promote means of transportation?

 

Too many "why", not enough "let's do it", and inexisting "because" to justify my lack of (re)action.

 

By the way, when i posted "it's Earth Day 2013, is there anything going on on your side?", i got no reply at all. Maybe playing with the Doodle was the most constructive aspect of the day after all.

 

 Happy Earth Day 2013.

 

EDIT 23/04: a friend corrected my mistake via Twitter by forwarding me the following news from the Dubai City Guide website:

"Emirates Green Building Council (EmiratesGBC), an independent forum aimed at conserving the environment by strengthening and promoting green building practices in the UAE, marked Earth Day with a screening of the documentary ‘Wild Ocean 3D’ that highlighted the importance of sustainable development"

Let's hope that future Earth Days and other international célébrations related to the protection of our planet will be broadly advertized to increase public awareness as well as individual/political/corporate commitments.