The Forgotten - Part One

When you stroll through libraries and bookstores with the high-level quest of educating yourself about the baby to come and the best way not to screw up as a parent, you cannot see anything else than smily covers, happy babies, happy parents and confident titles. You instantly forget that these books are just trying to sell you magic and you suddenly believe that yes, you can do it too if this weird couple from a copyright-free picture bank can do it.

We decided however to make it soft and went for the "Pregnancy for Dummies", and it was the exact type of reading we were looking for. Simple, pragmatic and honest. I also bought funny ones directed to dad, i.e. those weird guidelines that turns the man as a commando papa ready to change exploding diapers while killing it at preparing a bottle.
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A few weeks ago a friend of mine, a guy, told me he would become a dad by the summer. Later on we started talking about the frustrations of being a man witnessing a pregnancy. Yes, i chose the word "witness" carefully. No need to discuss bees and storks here, of course the woman caries the baby and experiences all changes physically and mentally. Meantime, the man witnesses. He helps. He supports. He does feet massage. He goes grocery shopping.  He tidies up. He does what strangely enough is expected to be done by a woman "normally". Well Well.

Then i started thinking about my books again and the place men have in there. Yes indeed, they don't have any, or if they do it's in a humorous way mainly. Back to the super-hero dad and the box of Sudocream ready to be taken out like a hot gun.
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The Forgotten - Part One: Fathers.
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Fathers. The guys who created half of the life you are trying to maintain alive. The ones who see you going through the worst pain ever without being able to do anything. The ones who hold your hand and try to remain calm while blindly trusting the ones cutting a wife open and extract a baby out of a belly.

See how abstract i am, because this is the way this is often depicted. Fathers, whether future or actual ones, are putting so much pressure on their shoulders, and apart from fellow dads, the only recognition they get is a joke here and there on what they can do to help. When i remember  myself laughing at jokes about the role of men during the antenatal classes, i want to punch myself in the face. Old me, there's so much you couldn't have done up to today,  including getting up "mobilising" straight after the operation and starting my journey as a mum, if he had not been there for you.

To be continued in a next post: The Forgotten Part Two - Fathers' Recognition.